Purpose

Every time we face great change or growth, we often reflect and make adjustments to enable us to move forward again.  I know I am no longer the same person who began my journey in entrepreneurship 2 years ago and I am re-focusing on my purpose and in doing so healing some older wounds.  The first time I faced this type of challenge was when my oldest daughter was born.  She was my pride and joy; but helpless as all babies are.  I was a young mother and many people criticized me for that.  I was fresh out of high school and had a steady employment history but gave up my secondary education because nothing was more important than being her mom.  As most moms do, I hated going back to work and leaving my angel with anyone other than me.  I had great sitters over the years but no one does it like mom.  With the criticism I faced, I had to grow a strong backbone quickly. While I was not exactly ready to do this, being a mom gave me purpose and nobody and I mean nobody was going to hurt my little girl.  Face no furry like a scorned mother I have heard time and time again and now I realized it.  So I did what I had to do and continued to push forward when it came to challenges with my girls and now it just comes naturally without the second guessing and anxiety experienced when I started almost 16 years ago.  As I continued to grow and expand my knowledge I found purpose and I tried to share my experiences and knowledge to inspire others.  Most of my career choices have been about helping others and that is who I am.  Several years ago I was actively helping many people in my community when my superior in the workplace expected me to do something that did not help people and in fact hurt those I had been working with over the past several years.  In my years of management, I have had to lay people off and even fire people; and while those were both extremely challenging to me, I totally understood the rationale.  Rules were broken or we had sales to ratio of employees goals that had to be met.  The actions expected of me at this time was not for the benefit of anyone involved or so I felt.  Knowing my purpose and values in my life, I chose to leave this employment and search for something new.   A choice that cost me personally in many ways.  I felt inadequate and wondering if I had made a good choice; because I was putting so much at risk. Maybe just maybe I was not the valued employee I thought I was.  Most people who know me say I have been going through the healing process of a loss, being withdrawn, angry, depressed and trying to move on.  I believed I had found purpose again when I started the store and I was able to maintain that purpose even though I have not completed everything I expected to when I started my business plan.  My current store location and set up created a "safe zone" for me to learn to live, work, and interact with people again however, I am no longer content in the safe zone I created for myself as it stands now.  I am reevaluating and believe I am ready to face the next growth period of my business, making it everything I expected it to be.  Before I can do this, I know I still have some healing to do,  accepting things in my past and letting go.  I have done a lot of healing this past year and I think I am ready to do what I have to do to go to the next level.  In business those who truly succeed don't give up.  There have been several times in the last year that I considered giving up, but I keep going and making changes to make it work.